August

I really hate court days. I feel like I am freaking out on the inside but outwardly no one would ever know. Actually the last couple of days have been busy making sure Turtle would have everything he needed if he ended up going to grandmas. I have bought extra toys and clothes, and his favorite snacks. Two of my older kids had doctor appointments today then we ran around picking up the last of his WIC food, all the pictures I have ever taken of him, 189 in the last 2 months, not bad! My phone kept reminding me that court was happening in x amount of minutes. I couldn't help but think that this baby's life is about to change. Thankfully we were busy all morning but when we finally got home I saw the dreaded light blinking on my answering machine. There was a message from the GAL about 45 minutes before court, makes me a little upset that he didn't call sooner. He knows nothing about Turtle and had he bothered to call me earlier I could have given him alot of info to help Turtles case. Oh well, I called the number he left and surprisingly he answered! I apologized for not being home earlier (he is actually the same GAL for Drummer) we talked for a second then I had to ask what happened in court today. For being as tight lipped as he was for Drummer's case I was surprised he even told me anything but like last time pretty much nothing happened. I guess this was just a preliminary hearing to decide if an actual hearing was needed. I have no idea, but, another court date was set for August, he couldn't remember the date off hand which means Turtle will be with us until then and in the GAL's words, most likely after that! Yippee! As happy as I am that we get to love on this little boy for a little longer I grieve for him because I know that he needs and deserves a forever family. He has been in foster care since birth and by August he will be 14 months old. I don't understand why it is taking so long to make a decision in his case. Everyone always asks how long we will have him and I have to say I don't really know, our lives now are lived from court date to court date with a whole lot of loving in between. I am so excited to share the summer with him, we have a lot of fun things planned and the one thing my kids all said when I told them that Turtle would be with us until August is that "he gets to go to the beach with us!" I am so glad that they are happy to share their lives with him too.

One!

I had so much fun putting together this little party for Turtle, and by little I mean us, my in-laws, our best friends and their kids, our neighbors, and Mr. Caseworker! I believe first birthdays should be a big celebration, I know most think why have a big party when the birthday kid won't remember it but I think it is more about a celebration of their life and the joy that they have brought to ours. I told my husband that maybe I went a little overboard but he said Turtle deserves it, and you know what , hes right! We are so glad that we were able to share this special day with him, all day I had a lot of different feelings swirling around about that fact but I will save that for another post. I wanted to make sure Turtle ate a good dinner before diving into his cake but I probably shouldn't have fed him so much, he was a little too full to eat much cake but he did do a good job of spreading the frosting all over his face! I was really touched that the special people in our lives would take the time to come celebrate with us, we have incredible family and friends! When I texted Mr. Caseworker last week about our little party he said he was honored to have been invited and would of course be here. Have I mentioned how awesome he is? Turtle was way more interested in the tissue paper than his actual gifts but it was fun to watch him go crazy with the paper! He loves all his light up and music toys, my husband wanted him to have a musical table that would help encourage him to stand up, my daughter and I made him a blanket, it took all day Saturday to make but we are sure proud of it! He didn't come to us with anything "special" so now he has his own blankie, a super soft & squishy stuffed puppy and 3 bright and colorful books. I am a huge fan of children's books so I want to make sure all my kiddos leave with at least a few of their own. We had such a fun time, I feel so lucky to have this little guy in my life! Happy 1st Birthday Turtle, we love you so much!

 He was a little more interested in the balloons than his cake!

 Turtle loved the bright tissue paper! We had to take it away just to get him to look at his gifts.

Turtle and his very own blankie, he had lots of helpers who wanted to open his gifts!

Care

Yesterday I got a call from the hospital wanting to schedule Drummer's upper GI that the pulmonologist had ordered for him. I explained that he was my foster son but not longer lived with me. I let the scheduler know that I had given all of the information to his new foster mom and she was supposed to follow up with it which obviously she hasn't. I just had the thought that maybe she has gotten it done somewhere closer to her, it's a possibility. I want to think the best but it is not my first reaction. I could call his caseworker to let her know but I really don't think it would do any good. I actually had a dream last night that I did call her to check on Drummer and she informed me that he and his sister had been moved and were living with a hitch hiker! What the heck! I don't know what part of my subconscious that came out of! I guess that I will always worry about him and hope for the very, very best for him. That's the thing about foster care, these kiddos come into our lives for such a brief moment but they will never, ever leave our hearts. I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't think about him. I have had the opportunity lately to talk to several people about foster care. I love to share our experience and hopefully inspire others to get involved too. They always ask if it's hard to let them go and I say it's the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, it's brutal, gut-wrenching and just plain sucks. BUT, being a foster parent is the most rewarding thing I have ever done, and I will put myself out there again and again for the opportunity to give these sweet kids the love and attention they deserve.