On a Wednesday night in late March just before Easter I left my house without telling my kids where I was going. For one, I knew my older boys would be upset about taking in another child. I already told them I didn't care to hear their opinion and they needed to find a little compassion in their selfish hearts! At 16 and 19 they are old enough to be told this! I did whisper to my daughter where I was going before I left and told her to tell everyone else, yes I am a coward but I just didn't want to deal with them. I drove 40 minutes away to wait in a McDonald's parking lot to meet my beautiful new girl! Her story is the same as every one's, she just needs to be loved and we have plenty of that.
Being the coward that I am, I texted my husband to tell him the news rather than call, I remember saying something like please don't be mad! If for even one minute I thought my husband would not have been supportive I never would have gone forward with accepting a new placement, but I know my husband and he honestly has the biggest heart of anyone I know. I was only nervous about telling him because he was out of town and the way it all came about seemed so sneaky and that is definitely not me! On my way home with Bunny, I called my husband and cautiously asked him if he got my text, of course he did and was laughing at me for being so worried. He actually wanted me to pull over right then and snap a picture of her to send him! The first few days home were just a little more than overwhelming. Even though I've had 7 kids, it's been awhile since having a 10 week old and I had forgotten how crazy sleep deprivation can make you! For those first few weeks I definitely felt like I had taken on more than I could handle with a new baby and a very needy almost 2 year old. Turtle's adoptive mom was a huge help, since we were still in the middle of transitioning him, she was able to take him for several days at a time, giving all of us a much needed break. It's now been 3 months since we brought Bunny home. I'll admit those first few weeks were not easy, I remember feeling the same way when Turtle first came to us. I think after the excitement of a new placement is over and reality hits I wonder what the heck did I just get myself into! Now that I've done this a few times maybe I'll be more prepared for the emotional roller coaster next time, at least I'll know what to expect. Bunny has been so much fun to have in our home, my little girl loves to hug and kiss on her, and having an older 12 year old to help out isn't so bad either! Her favorite thing to do now besides eat, is play with her tongue. She just discovered how fun it is to stick it out, it's adorable! I don't know how long she will be with us, we had a little scare last week when her case aid said she would be moving in with family soon. I realized then just how attached I am to this little girl, I balled like a baby for a good hour. After talking with the case manager I learned that if she is moved it will be a few months. I have to remember my role as a foster mom. These kids are not mine forever, I have to love them like they are mine which is easy to do but at some point I will have to say good bye. As hard as it is, I am ok with that. There will be days when it feels as if someone has ripped my heart out but I will heal, I will go on, and there will be another sweet baby who needs me too.