Nerves

Court is on Thursday. Last week I started to feel the nerves creeping in, now there is an indescribable anxiousness that has taken over my whole body. Almost my every thought has something to do with what is happening this week. Even my husband is getting anxious. We know it is going to be hard if he leaves. Every one of my kids is begging us to adopt him. I just don't have answers for them yet. It is crazy to think that just one person holds Turtle's entire future in his hands. I wonder if the judge really understands how great of a responsibility that is or if he is just doing his job. I pray that he "gets it". I am not required to attend these court cases but I will be there this time. I want the judge to see that there are people in this world who love this little boy and care about what happens to him. I think that the only way that I can reasonably get through this is to know that it is just not in my hands. I have to believe that God has a plan and it may not be what I think is right but I have to put my trust in Him and have faith that whatever the outcome may be it is truly His will.  These next few days I will try to prepare for him leaving but I don't think I will pack up everything. His stuff is mainly in one place so if needed I can quickly gather his toys and clothes. I want to spend my time holding him a little longer, saying I love you a little more often, and kissing those big chubby cheeks a few more times!