Wednesday, September 19, 2012
So here it is almost 3 weeks since court happened I haven't heard anything! I wasn't really expecting to hear anything last week but for sure this week and so far nothing. I texted Mr. Caseworker on Friday reminding him of something he said he was going to do but hasn't and just said let me know as soon as you hear anything regarding Turtle's case. He didn't reply. I am not that anxious about it considering there is just nothing I can do at this point, I just wish I had the answers. After going through the crazy emotions of court and the possibility of him leaving I told my husband, I hope you know he's not going anywhere! I was dead set on this sweet boy never leaving our home. When we began the process of becoming foster parents my husband was very clear that he would support my desire to foster 100% but we were not adopting. Nothing against adopting, we think it is wonderful but we have been blessed with 7 great kids and for now we choose to just be a foster home. I am definitely open to the idea of adopting one day. Turtle has been in care since he was born, if we were his first and only home I think there is no question that we would want to adopt him. It has been a hard self journey for me but I truly believe that my role in his life is as his foster mommy. I know that each child that comes into our home is there for a reason, I don't know what that is but I do believe that God has a plan and I have to give up control. I think the only way I can muddle my way through foster care land is to really believe that. If adoption is meant to be for us then we will know without a doubt that that is what we should do. I know if we were to adopt Turtle it would be for purely selfish reasons, to avoid the pain that will be inevitable when he leaves. There are sooo many families waiting to adopt and I do feel good that we can help make someone else's dream come true. I keep telling myself this in the hopes that it will make it easier to let him go! My 9 year old son said the other day ," I'm ready for the next one." All of them love Turtle and I know we will take awhile to heal once he leaves but I think this is just God's way of preparing their hearts for when he does leave. My kids have been amazing, I am so proud of them for stepping up and accepting our foster kids completely. It has opened their eyes to a whole other world and it has been so neat as a mom to watch them grow in so many ways. For now we will just keep doing what we do, loving our sweet boy and creating forever memories.