Court

I should have updated earlier but I think I just needed time to process. Long story short, no decision was made that day but I will tell the long story anyway.  I was such a wreck that day! I know that I am a strong person, things really don't bother me but this was different. We live in this world of foster care but for us we have been somewhat removed from all the hard stuff. We don't have bio visits, I don't have people coming over all the time, I just take care of our little guy and live our lives. Going to court that day made it all very real. All along I knew there was a grandma out there who wanted Turtle but actually seeing her, hearing her voice just made it all too real. My husband and I sat in the back of the courtroom, we were all waiting for the grandma to show up so the hearing could start. I was secretly hoping she just wouldn't come! When she finally did show up she opened the door and asked if this was where she was supposed to be. She couldn't see us, and we couldn't see her from where we were seated but just hearing her voice made me tear up. I told my husband that I didn't think I could do this. I just can't bear the thought of him leaving us to live in  a life of poverty. If this case were just a matter of financial concerns there would be no case. She is his family and that's where he belongs but because of grandma's loooong criminal history it is just not a safe place for him to be. Grandma did herself no favors that day, let's just say she is a very interesting individual. After 3 long hours of testimony the judge took the matter "under advisement" and he has up to 60 days to make a ruling. The attorney thinks we should hear something in about 2 weeks. My husband and I both left thinking that this could go either way. It will be a tragedy if he leaves, not only for us but for him. Turtle deserves to grow up in a home full of love with opportunities to do all the things that kids do. I know that she can't give him that. So once again we wait. I am not thinking about it all the time, I think my heart is trying to pull away. My brain wants me to think that it will be ok if he leaves, that I will have so much more time to myself, that I need a break, that the future is too unknown for me to take on. In reality I know it is just the opposite, but I am in survivor mode trying to protect myself form heartbreak. I knew it wouldn't be easy but it is very definitely worth it, he is worth it.