Paperwork

So the mountains of paperwork and the "to do list" grow bigger and bigger. I am excited to actually be doing something though. I don't want to just sit around and wait for classes to begin, at least I feel like I am accomplishing something. When our licensing specialist came out she gave us a stack of forms to fill out including a family profile, individual forms for me, my hubby, and our kids. Today my oldest and I checked some things off the list. We were fingerprinted and had our criminal declaration sheets notarized. I was going to stop by the agency to drop off what we had done but ended up across town getting our fingerprints done so I will stop by on Friday and hopefully by then I will have my husbands paperwork ready to drop off too. It is so fun to watch my husband doing things to prepare our home for our licensing inspection. I don't know that he is excited but he is fully supportive and thinking of everything that we need to do. We bought a shed last weekend so he can move his gas cans and other dangerous things out of the garage. Our biggest project will probably be cleaning out the garage, although it is not a requirement it will sure be nice to get it done! Other than that we just have a few simple things to do that we probably should have done anyways. It is not as bad as people might think it is but I am pretty organized and tidy already so I am sure that helps. I began filling out our family profile, there are a ton of questions to answer and really make you reflect on how you deal with different situations. I am so thankful for my family, I feel blessed to have such loving, supportive people around me. You can't help but be grateful knowing that there are others, especially children who have never experienced this love before. When I tell people that we are beginning this process they all have the same reaction which is "I could never do that, it would be too hard to give them back!" I know it will be hard, but I want to focus on the love and safety that I can give a child while they are in my home. Nothing about this is going to be easy, except loving on a baby-that I can do!

First Meeting

Today I got a call from our licensing specialist, she will be coming out for her first visit with us tomorrow afternoon. I am a little nervous. The house is a wreck because the kids have been home all week on fall break, so I guess I will be cleaning tomorrow! She is not coming to inspect the house but I want to make a good first impression. My little kids will probably be bouncing off the walls because someone new is coming to visit and each one of them feel it necessary to show off all of their hidden talents. Hopefully they will listen to me and my parenting skills won't be tested in front of our new friend! Since my oldest is 18 she will be talking with him too, I have explained to him why I want to do foster care but he still thinks it's "weird". He explained to me that it will be strange to have someone else in the house that is not even related to us, and that I would be giving so much attention to this child. I understand where he is coming from, all I can do is reassure him that it won't take away anything from him. I hope that as we love on these precious children that I will be able to balance what they need along with the needs of my own kids. I pray that my kids will understand that I love them just as much as always and I hope that their lives will be influenced for good because of this. I have already run into people who have said they could never do it, that they wouldn't be able to give them back. I am trying to understand where that puts me. Am I a better or worse person because I can? I know it is going to be hard  but I have to put the needs of these children before the grief that I know I am going to feel. I don't look forward to the goodbyes, but that won't prevent me from putting myself out there and taking care of these kids. I can do it, I have to do it.

Orientation

Last night was our first official orientation class. Randy and I were both really impressed with the agency, they seem to go above and beyond for these kids. We were told that the need for foster homes has never been greater than right now. In July they had 6 babies that had to stay a weekend with case managers because they didn't have any available homes for them and the shelters are full too. Apparently that has never happened before, especially finding homes for the little ones. The instructor even related an experience just last month I think where a foster family's license came through and they had a placement that same night. I am excited to welcome a little one to our home but sad for the trauma that these precious kids have had to experience to end up in foster care. The reality is there though and these sweet ones need a safe, loving place to be. I don't think I learned anything new just yet, I have spent countless hours online visiting other foster moms blogs, reading through our state requirements and visiting agency after agency's websites so I have a good idea of what to expect but it was all new to my husband. I am so grateful that he is fully committing to this with me. He is already talking about all the things he will need to take care of for the home inspection. Training classes don't start until Nov. 7th but we should be getting a call from someone at the agency that will come out to the house to talk with us. Every time the phone rings I jump a little, I am just so ready to get started. I can only imagine how it will be once we are licensed and are anticipating that first placement call! Now that we have started this process it almost feels like we are expecting another baby. I am probably getting ahead of myself but I am a list maker and can't help writing down everything we might need for a new little one. I hope that these next 4-6 months pass really quickly and hopefully, fingers crossed, all will go smoothly for us.

In This Life

For all I've been blessed with in this life
There was an emptiness in me
I was imprisoned by the power of gold
But one honest touch could set me free

Let the world stop turnin'
Let the sun stop burnin'
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you

For every mountain I have climbed
Every raging river crossed
You were the treasure that I'd longed to find
Without your love I would be lost

Let the world stop turnin'
Let the sun stop burnin'
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you

In this life, I was loved by you


My husband sang this song to me at our wedding, it has so much more meaning to me than just two people falling in love. No matter what happens it will all be ok because I was loved by you.

Yes!

When it comes to foster care, my husband hasn't always been on the same page as me. He has always known this is something I wanted to do and I think he thought maybe when our kids were all grown or at least teenagers we would "think" about doing foster care. So when I sprung it on him earlier this year he was a little taken aback by the idea. I admit it was pretty bad timing, at the time his job was extremely demanding, he was stressed and already felt that he didn't have enough time at home with the kids. There was no way we could begin the process then but at least he knew that I was giving this some serious thought and that I was ready. Soon after our talk, Randy started working for a new company and is finally enjoying the flexibility that our family needs. We are still just as busy as ever but so much of that stress has been alleviated and he has the time now to be home with us. We continued to talk about foster care and his concerns, I have read and researched just about as much as I can just to get an idea if this is really what I want to do. I don't know why I have such a strong desire to do this but I just know that I have to. Another job opportunity has come his way and he may have a big decision to make. I trust him completely when it comes to his career and the direction he feels he needs to go. My only concern was that once again work would become all consuming and my dreams of doing foster care would be pushed aside. After expressing this to him over dinner Saturday night he said "go ahead and sign us up." Seriously? Really? He said yes! Holy cow, now I am nervous, do I really want to do this? I know that I do but when your dream suddenly becomes a reality it is a little crazy! I have thought about this for as long as I can remember, I am definitely excited. My husband has the biggest heart of anyone I know, I wouldn't want to be on this journey with anyone else but him.

Why?

I know that I am going to get asked this question alot. The honest answer is "why not?" I don't have a good answer, or maybe a good enough answer to make other people  "get it." All I know is that all of my life, or at least since I was a very young teenager I knew that I wanted to foster and that desire has never left me. I don't remember having a specific conversation with my husband about this but we must have because he has known from day one that this was something I really wanted to do. Having children and raising my family has been and always will be my first priority but I know that there is room enough in our hearts and in our home to welcome even more children into our lives. So now that we feel that this is the right time in our lives to begin the process of becoming licensed foster parents we are jumping right in. Hang on! It's gonna be a wild ride!