Thursday, May 17, 2012
We bought ourselves a little more time with Turtle yesterday! Court was postponed for 4 weeks because of a conflict of interest between the attorneys for dad and Turtle so Turtle is being assigned a new GAL and court is set again for 6/13. By 5 o'clock I hadn't heard from Mr. Caseworker so I texted him to see how things went. About half an hour later he called back to explain what happened. I am relieved and excited. When I told my kids that Turtle gets to stay with us another month we all did a happy dance around the room. Of course he has no idea what is going on but it was so fun to see my kids genuinely happy. I have been thinking so much about what my role is in his life and what really is best for him. I feel like if I am going to survive the world of foster care I have to be okay with letting my babies go home. The hardest thing is knowing that 9 out of 10 times we or another adoptive family could provide a much better life for these kids but is that really what is best? I think I have to come to terms with the fact that family is family and as long as it is safe for them to return home or with another family member then that is where they need to be. Going into this I really wanted to help strengthen families, we haven't had the opportunity to work with birth parents yet but I hope when we do it will be positive for everyone. If there really is no reason for Turtle not to be with his Grandma then who am I to stand in the way? I just want so much for these babies to grow up loved, to have a chance at a successful future. I want the same things for them as for my own kids but maybe even more because it will be so much harder for them. Yesterday I attended an awards ceremony with my second oldest for an anti-drug video he made. We had the opportunity to hear from our County attorney who spoke to the kids and shared a little about his life and how he grew up in south LA, raised by a single mom. One thing he said that really stuck with me is that your circumstances in life do not dictate who you are or what you can become. That is true for all of us. I think I have been prepared for my role as a foster mom my whole life because of the experiences I've had growing up. We all have the choice to dwell on the negative things or get on with life. I choose to keep on swimming! I love being a foster mom, the good the bad and the ugly, I love it. Others may not think so but I think foster parents are a choice people. What we are asked to do, love these kids like ours and then let them go-I have never had to do anything harder in my life. It hurts, it hurts bad but we survive and we open our hearts to the next child that needs us because we know that our hurt is nothing compared to theirs. So, a lot of thinking going on here, I am learning as I go and with each new experience will come more confidence. The great news in all of this is I get to plan a 1st birthday party! Can you guess what the theme is going to be? Turtles of course!