Hurt

Earlier as I was sitting here catching up on my blog posts my phone rang, the caller ID showed blank, blank State govt. Having got that call a few times I knew it was CP$. Drummers CW was calling with a problem, apparently the new foster mom was going to have to put him in day care alot more than she expected and wanted me to take him back. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!! My heart sank at that moment, I wanted to cry but held it together long enough to let her know this is why I was so adamant that he not be moved, but nobody would listen to ME! We would have kept him in a heartbeat but I already have a new placement and I won't disrupt him. She basically said thanks and hung up. That's when I cried. I love that little boy, he will be a part of me forever. I tried so hard to make sure that the new foster mom was aware of the amount of care that he needed. CP$ just doesn't care. They want siblings together which I fully support but only if it is for the best interest of every child. I would have set up visitations with his sister on my own time and expense. I would have done everything possible to help everyone involved, it makes me so mad. I am not okay with the fact that he may be moved again but I am good with my decision not to move one for the other. Part of me wants to call up my agency and ask if there is anyway I can take them both but I know I can't. I am hurting for me, for him, and for all the kids out there disrupted because of somebody else's agenda. Foster care sucks!